Sexuality

The “Evil” of Feminine Choice

I felt so deeply saddened when I learned about the Elliot Rodgers shooting. Tragedies like these sink my heart down into my stomach, test my faith in humanity, and send out dark energetic ripples of intense emotion and pain that reverberate around the world. I later discovered there is an online forum of men who strongly identify with the ideology of the killer, even to the point of hailing him as a modern day crusader. This blows my mind. How is it possible that an entire community of men could support such brutal violence? I believe there are dynamics in our modern world that are feeding an ever growing fire of bitter animosity between the sexes.

What “evil” are these men crusading against? These men discuss rape and their hatred of women with jihadist fervency. They perceive themselves superior to a degree that few men and women can even conceive. Their fanatic discussions revolve around bitter, hair splitting comparisons of the sexual attractiveness of various women and elaborate affirmations of their own dominance and hierarchy. They share resentment towards the few, lucky men and women who belong to the ‘club of attention’ while self-identifying as unappreciated ‘diamonds in the rough’, living out their days in the ‘land of misfit toys’ that are otherwise known as the back alleyways and sewers of the Internet. I believe these misfits are revolting specifically against feminine choice. Like most species in the animal kingdom, human females choose their mates. This is important for reasons we’ll explore in detail below. Males tend to enjoy the thrill of the hunt, which in these modern times tends to be less literal hunting to provide sustenance for a tribe and more of a vestigial compulsion which often manifests itself in interesting flavors. Tragically, men can let their urge for hunting masquerade as sexual mate selection. Modern men can spend their time “hunting” everything from the best job offer to the best porn movie to download. Consider the latter example with regards to our modern misogynistic crusaders as a possible explanation of where they may have first gone awry.

If human sexuality is shaped and molded like a block of clay as we develop from children into adults, imagine the effects of unfettered access to the limitless variety of free Internet video porn by young teenage boys. I intuit that there is an impact to the sexual development of boys and young men that experience such power of choice in their virtual sexual gratification. Could part of their sexuality grow to expect this same power of choice for their sexual escapades in the real world? In their virtual worlds they have the ultimate power to choose whichever “women” they want to use sexually. In fact, they can choose women, men, children, cartoons, animals – fill in the blank – there’s a pretty good chance there’s already a porn site for it. I can imagine the great frustration of these young men when they go out into the real world for the first time and notice the gaping disparity with reality when it comes to finding a romantic partner. The women they desire, predictably of the Barbie doll variety, are the least likely to choose to be with them romantically. As a result, these young men feel angry and helpless to do anything about it. System overload! Does not compute! Sniff. Is that a burnt fuse I smell? Our brains are wired to respond to and record memories of wide disparities in particular, and the subconscious mind expends great effort trying to make sense of puzzling questions. This is an important process of how humans adapt to and survive in their environment. In short, these conditions yield massive potential to shape human behavior on an extremely fundamental level. One question that’s puzzling the brains of many men these days:  Why do I have infinite power of sexual selection in the virtual realm and not in the offline realm? The virtual world feels utterly fantastic when I’m there; therefore something must be very wrong with the offline world. These men may become especially sensitive to perceiving the message from the women they desire that they are “not good enough” and they respond, oftentimes even preemptively, in defense of their tender egos by creating and internalizing intricate stories of their own sexual and genetic superiority. Let’s also consider that porn influences what viewers perceive as attractive. In reality only a very small minority of women look like porn stars. Even advertisements and marketing that leverage sex to sell products contribute to an ever narrowing population of physically “attractive” women in the real world. Factor in the rise of unhealthy dietary habits and the market flood of nutrient-poor foods, and it becomes obvious that we’re rapidly setting ourselves up for extreme sexual frustration. It’s a vicious cycle which in the end makes us even more vulnerable to more violence and more sexually charged marketing. After enough scarring experiences of being rejected, they really start to hate the world with a passion. They escape deeper into their virtual fantasy worlds where they can more closely feel like the omnipotent deities they so desperately believe themselves to be. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but wrathful gods destroy universes.

Empowered women choose their romantic partners. Why is this so important to accept and honor? Women experience a considerably more vulnerable position than men during sexual intercourse. The risk and reward schema is totally unbalanced. Men risk losing little more than their time and pride for the opportunity to feel the fleeting ecstasy of orgasmic release. By virtue of their biology alone, women are quite literally more invested in the outcome of each sexual encounter. Not only must they accept part of another person’s body inside their own, but they also retain both the seed and egg inside of them. When their eggs are fertilized, intentionally or otherwise, they experience 9 months of pregnancy, which puts their bodies through considerable physical stress. They undergo life-risking child delivery, and they give years of their lives directly caring for and nursing their children to autonomy. The father could be anywhere doing anything after the point in which he releases his seed into the woman. He may not even know he is a father. To top it all off, there is often an inverse relationship in modern cultures between a woman’s desirability and the number of sexual partners she has had. It makes perfect sense that women choose sexual partners that are well adapted in all the ways they deem important, be it genetically, socially, or otherwise. Women have been endowed by nature with a power to protect themselves and their offspring by rejecting psychopaths and other socially maladjusted men. Ladies, thank you for keeping those genes out of the evolutionary milieu.  

I believe the average man feels threatened on some level by this power of feminine choice, and moreover, any woman in touch with her full power. These men have been socially conditioned, and in many ways manipulated, to expect a different power dynamic with the opposite sex because of the patriarchal paradigm that underlies nearly all of our social structures. The global commodification of sex has duped many men and women into identifying sexiness and desirability as feminine power. But this is a cheap trick. It’s also a way that women can unknowingly play into the paradigm. How so? Because their power is defined in terms of how much sexual attention they can garner from men. Their beauty becomes a commodity with a market value (and an expiration date). This only serves to perpetuate the status quo because it distracts both men and women from embracing feminine choice, and encourages women to fit themselves to the desires of men, rather than the other way around. Continuing further down this path it becomes abundantly clear that humans have been converted into consumers and taught to love objects and objectify love. Worthiness as a human being is derivative of one’s romantic market value. Through this warped world view of value, each romantic conquest feeds the personal identity and dignity of the individual. Sex and love become another thing to have rather than experience, and being without it is to be worthless. From beer to skinny jeans, whatever repressed sexual energy that doesn’t manifest in the form of violence towards women actually fuels the growth of our economy. The men who seek to acquire love and sex feel entitled to it because they feel they have ‘paid the price of admission’ (clothes, cars, intelligence, etc.), and you can just imagine the complaints they’ll have for the Customer Service Department when they are denied their goods and services. They have material worth, they are smart, yet they still find themselves rejected again and again. When their expectations don’t align with reality they are left to believe either they are worthless, or that they are worthy beings being abused by the world. And in the latter case, the ever popular solution is to sink deeper into fear and set the world ablaze.

True feminine power comes from within, and can be defined in terms of how clearly a woman knows herself and what she wants to bring more of into the world. But how can the world begin to experience the beautiful expression of feminine power until it is lovingly embraced by all, freely given and received?  Let’s not forget that women were only given the right to vote in the last hundred years or so. If we can realize that we’re all part of a grand social experiment that’s been going on for thousands of years, I believe we can give ourselves enough space to start questioning old assumptions and trying out fun, new ways of operating in the world. With respect to the entirety of human history, patriarchy didn’t really dig in deep until agriculture and the concept of land ownership arrived on the scene.  The Paleo diet, a dietary method that encourages consumption of the foods our bodies have evolved to process rather than what is good for the corporate bottom line, is one example of an innovative paradigm shift away from an old assumption which accepts agriculture as the supreme method of achieving nutritional well-being. What innovations will emerge in the realm of interpersonal relating as we shift the paradigm increasingly further away from the male dominated power regime? What’s true is that women share power differently than men. Maybe we’ll return to living in “tribal” settings on shared lands rather than nuclear family seclusion on privately owned land. Maybe men will have more opportunities for sexual relating than ever before once they let go of their attachment to paternal certainty, and women step outside of creating beauty for the purpose of attracting male attention. The Mosuo people are a matriarchal society in China where women and girls freely engage in sexual activity with whatever male they choose. From the age of 14 they are given what they call “flower rooms”, a private room somewhat separate from the rest of the family compound, with a private entrance that the girls alone choose who may enter through. There is less taboo among the Mosuo about sex or rejection, and they have no word for rape. Mosuo children are raised by their mother and her brothers, not their biological fathers. Is it possible the Mosuo men enjoy more sexual acceptance? Is it possible we could all experience more fulfilling sex, love, and intimacy if men everywhere could genuinely embrace the “evil” of feminine choice? I, for one, would love to find out.

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